My Story- Part 7

(I felt like churchy clipart was apropos for this post)

We are all in process. Our process in the early years of marriage I will call ”just trying to figure it out.” I still had so much religion in me, I just knew that I was failing in many ways. But gosh darn it (because if you say the other word you go you know where) I was going to try to do the whole church thing! And Andy was so new in faith I think he needed to believe that this whole community of faith thing wasn’t a complete sham. There had to be some folks in it for the sheer love of Jesus and wanting to change the world to be a better place. Right?!

We attended several different types of church. We went to concert venues, coffee shops and hit the streets. We visited small community theaters and church basements and elementary schools. In our first two years of marriage we were on two launch teams for two different churches and with each we thought ”This is it!” Until they weren’t.

To say that each church imploded is understatement. One of the pastors is now infamous, leaving his church in quite a state before their implosion, and the other we lost track of after he moved away to start over. I wish each of them well, but in retrospect they were both so influenced by culture in different unique ways that it was always going to be hard to do something God-focused there. Obsession with Christian celebrity and “making it” is not the way to start a ministry. But nor is being SO concerned with “not being a part of the machine” that you lose the entire gospel message. Very early on we experienced both of these situations. In the first, we walked away shaking our heads. In the second, we walked away extremely hurt and asking ”what did we just witness?” We had joined our lives with the others on the launch team, and then one day it all came crashing down complete with the scandal of financial dishonesty, emotional affairs and divorce. It was painful and bewildering. How did Jesus followers who were self-described leaders behave so unlike Jesus?

So, again, we were left asking, ”is this really what church is about?”

We were still ”free thinkers” who didn’t know what we believed exactly, only that we were looking for a better way. How ironic that I now know the early church was called ”The Way.” We humans sure have a way of digressing from the original point. But now I digress.

Andy and I, and now our baby girl Gemma, found a small community near our house that was also a church plant. However, this time it had already launched, was new but not planning the first Sunday new, and we thought ”ok, we can be part of establishing something different.” While our other churches had been theologically ambiguous, this new church was not. It was part of the Evangelical Free Church (EFC). If you do not know what this denomination is, don’t worry, neither did I.

It was a small denomination, and although I am not certain now, at the time it did not feel like a church where I had to worry about too much Holy Spirit being mentioned. Although I was never a cessationist (one who believes the gifts of the Holy Spirit died along with the apostles and/or the complete canonization of Scripture), I also did not want to be one of those “crazy Christians” who scare people. I had gone to their summer camp and tried to be one but I wasn’t spiritual enough for the gifts, so alas, it was not in the cards for me. So, an EFC denomination felt safe.

It was safe. And for a while we were happy. We made friends. We worshiped Jesus. But I felt like there was more. I was still missing something. I would love to tell you I prayed about it but I didn’t. Leaving that church was a purely selfish and emotional decision. Rather than trying to be the ”more” or asking the Lord what I could do, we left. I had found a ladies Bible study at another church that was helping me to connect to the Word for the first time in a real way, and so for a minute I thought ”Maybe I’m a Methodist!” Looking back I now see that we were both very hurt. We were battered and bruised, and instead of going to the Father for a solution we were looking for one in our own strength. But, I will never forget that Bible study or those ladies, as they set me on a path of walking towards Jesus, who is the true healer.

So, I was now ready for a new part of my journey.